Handle conflict in a healthy, respectful way

When living with other people it's completely normal to experience occasional disagreements. Whether it’s about cleaning, noise, guests, or just different lifestyles, conflict can happen.

The good news? Most issues can be resolved with a bit of communication, empathy, and compromise.

Here’s how to handle conflict and keep your flat feeling like a safe and supportive space.

Don’t let it build up

It’s tempting to ignore small annoyances in favour of keeping the peace, but if something’s bothering you, it’s better to address it early before it turns into a bigger issue. A calm, honest conversation is usually more effective than letting frustration simmer and letting it explode later down the line.

Try saying: “Hey, I’ve noticed the bins haven’t been taken out in a while, can we chat about how we’re sharing chores?” 

Choose the right time

Avoid bringing things up in the heat of the moment. Instead, wait until everyone’s calm and you can talk privately, without distractions or an audience.

Tip: Avoid texting about serious issues, especially in a house group chat as it’s easy to misread tone. A face-to-face chat (or even a quick call) is usually better and more respectful. 

Use “I” statements instead of 'you'

Focus on how you feel about the situation, rather than blaming others. This helps avoid defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive as it feels less like an attack to the recipient.

Instead of:

“You never clean up after yourself!”

Try:

“I feel stressed when the kitchen’s messy, and I’d really appreciate if we could all help keep it tidy.”

Listen to understand

Conflict resolution isn’t just about getting your point across—it’s also about listening.

Try to understand where your flatmate is coming from, even if you don’t agree.

Ask questions like:

“How do you feel about this?”

“Is there something I might not be aware of?”

Find a compromise

You might not get everything you want and that’s okay. The goal is to find a solution everyone can live with so be open to meeting halfway.

Example:

If one person likes loud music and another needs quiet to study, agree on quiet hours or use headphones during certain times. 

If you feel uncomfortable having guests stay overnight, maybe you can instead agree to day visits instead. 

Set clear expectations

Sometimes conflict happens because people have different assumptions.

It can help to agree on some shared ground rules early on like cleaning rotas, noise levels, or how to handle guests. You could even have a flat meeting to talk things through and make sure everyone’s on the same page.

At the start of the year we give you a Happy Flats poster. If you are unsure how to start the conversation, consider asking your flatmates to fill it in together. If you completed it already, you might want to bring it out so everyone can remember the agreements they made at the start of the year. 

Know when to get help

If things feel tense or you’re not sure how to handle a situation, you don’t have to deal with it alone. Your Residence Life Warden or Residence Life Assistance can offer advice and support.

In serious cases like bullying, harassment, or anything that makes you feel unsafe, please reach out for help straight away.